Last week I was feeling rather overwhelmed - there were just too many things on my plate, I didn't feel like I was doing any of them better than half-assed, and the things most important to me weren't getting done at all.
But didn't I just get back from a few wonderful days in Nagano? Yes, yes, I did! But maybe that is the problem! (go-gatsu byo, or "May sickness," it isn't just me!)
Then on Saturday, when I was tying up one of the things on my plate, and beginning to look forward to a free Saturday next week to (gasp!) actually go and visit a museum (it has been way too long) instead of having another Girl Scout meeting to go to, just as I was beginning to feel like I had a handle on things, I was thrown a curve ball.
A sudden cancellation meant GSJ was looking for somebody to go to an important traning event in the UK - next week! It is an amazing training program and I was really excited about the opportunity. But then reality came crashing in - the amount of work that I would be expected to do upon returning to Japan, having to take a week off work at such short notice when I'm in the middle of a couple of big projects... My gut was yelling NO! but everybody around me was telling me to jump at the amazing opportunity and I was being pressured by GSJ people.
After doing an extra half-day of overtime last night in an impossible attempt to finish a big project I'm working on, I got home last night exhausted, my mind in turmoil. I called a good Japanese scouting friend and had a long long chat. In the end she told me to be true to myself and what I wanted to do, reassured me that I was not giving up if I chose not to go, and that there was nothing wrong in turning it down. Then I got a lovely message of support from a friend on Facebook and I did something I'm not normally good at in these situations, I said no.
I woke up this morning to a stomach that was a lead weight and shoulders that were starting to unknot. Who knew it could feel so good to say no?!